My drama

never get married

2007-02-25T08:39:23Z

I say, never get married...I don't mean it...what I mean is don't get married when you are 18 or 19...I did, I thought I knew it all...everyone said...you are tooo young...it'll never work...and all that happned was we proved everyone right...jake couldn't handel being married (even though he was the one who asked me) and it didn't work. everyone was right. You don't know what you are getting into when you are that young...wait....wait even 2 years...it will make all the diffrence in the world. If the person really loves you, they'll wait a few years...if the person really loves you, nothing will make them leave...so wait...you can't believe what a diffrence of even just 2 years can make on your life, and how you handel situations.

I just don't want anyone to get hurt like I did, and like I see my daughter hurt everyday like I do.

I only have once wish for jake...I only hope he never gets married again...and I hope he never has any more kids...no one diserves to be hurt the way he has jasey and I. And he will, he will walk out on them too...he is that kind of person.

I guess I went about it the wrong way. I shouldn't have loved him unconditionaly...I shouldn't have done everything I could for him, I shouldn't have given up everything, my friends, my family (I didn't even get to be there when my mom died...I was in nevada with jake) I left everything/everyone for him. I'm sorry I was such a horrible fuckin person...

and now he wants to get physical custody of our daughter...how much more is he gonna do to me....

you know...I did so much of NOTHING to diserve this...

I tried to save the marrage...and the family...I did everything I could...and this is what I got...Jasey did NOTHING...and this is what she got...

there are some pretty fucking horrible people in this world and you never know who they are until you see them sit back and do this to there family and do it heartlessly tothere family that suposably ment sooo much...

someday when he grows up a little...maybe he will see what he had, and how much we loved him and how much he hurt us...

If he can walk out on us like that...after all those years and everything we've been through... whats gonna stop anyone else... it just goes to show anyone can just up and leave ... they don't even need a good reason...no matter how much they say they love you...they can still leave you...no matter how long you were married, no matter how many kids you have...no matter how you feel about them, or how hard you try...they can and will still leave...waht is gonna stop anyone else from just leaving... If he could just leave after everything... what is gonna stop ANYONE else...

I'm home and paranoied

2007-02-23T20:30:07Z

ok, so I am back in Reno. I hate having to come back here. All my friends are up in washington...the new guy I'm seeing lives up there, so I only get to see him on tuesday and wedensdays. If I didn't work for the airlines I would never get to see him...it would be impossible.
I am so paranoied too, when I am not with him I constantly think he doesn't like me, and doesn't want to be with me, but then when I am with him, I know he does...it's all just when I am away.
oh well...I have my own problems I guess...
I do have good news though... I went to my lawyer today and found out my exhusband doesn't have as much of a chance as he thinks he does getting my daughter. He thinks he is going to take her and make me pay child support. WHatever, over my dead body. She is my daughter and I will die before ANYONE will take her from me. It's not like I'm incapable of taking care of her. I have a job, I have a house, I don't do drugs, I don't drink alot...I don't know where he gets off thinking he can get away with that...

I diserve a title damn it!!!

2007-02-22T17:26:22Z

ok, ok, I've been seeing this guy now for a little over a month, I still don't know what we are. We're having sex...doing the whole holding hands and arms around each other in public. He sleeps over at least once a week...I met his dad (kinda by accident)...WTF are we???
When Sara, Jennifer and I were at the bar with him, we, being the scheming women we are...set it all up. Jennifer put him in the stoplight and asked him, "what are you two now." He replied with "untitled" WTF is "untitled"??? what does that make me to him, what does that mean???
He just come out of a really long relationship...and there are a lot of details to it, but he got hurt pretty bad. I can understand him being a little scared to jump right into another relationship, but thats kinda what he did...why can't he just give me a damn title...the title isn't going to change anything...except give me that comfort zone (which I really need)
I just got divorced after being with the man for 11 years married 5. He accused me of cheating on him and just walked out...left me and his daughter, like we were nothing to him. And he tells me it was all my fault. So I guess maybe I need that comfort zone cause I think everyone is going to walk out on me. But damn it...I wanna know, what are we to eachother. I don't like the thought that I could be just nothing (to another guy). I trusted the man I married and he left like I was nothing. I don't wanna be nothing...
I need your opinion, what do you think...Why won't he give us a title??? What are we to eachother???

tattoo

2007-02-22T06:47:28Z

Hey all...I just wanted to tell everyone, I got a new tattoo...Elvis's autograph :-) it's on the back of my neck. I wanted to get it for so long, and I finaly got it...Sara, Jennifer and Patrick were there...it was awesome having all my fav people there when I got it. Just thought you all would like to know....
here are a few pics.

me getting tattoo, jennifer is the one standing against the wall, the guy you can see in the window is Patrick, and sara is behind the camera (obviously you can't see her :-)

The final product... Isn't it pretty...lol, my Elvis obsession :-)

I'm back!!!

2007-02-22T06:38:31Z

ok, ok ok...I've been gone for ...well...a while...I didn't know how to work this fuckin thing, but now sara is teaching me hw to work it. Seems like it will be really cool, once I get it that is :-)
I was really sucked into the whole myspace thing...but this is kewl too :-)
ok...I'm gonna go learn some more ... :-D